Chapter Twelve

THE TEMPLE

And it came to pass that the travellers commenced their journey with Matthew unto the Promised Land; and they would have commenced it earlier than eleven-thirty if Matthew had not had to park the wheeled carriage fifty leagues away because of the rush-hour traffic.

And he gathered them once more unto his bosom, and said: "Let us tarry not in this place, for there is much to do and much to be seen, and I’ll spew if I get back to the wheeled carriage to find I’ve got another bloody ticket".

So they set out with skipping hearts on their great journey and went forth into the wondrous city. And the first place to which they travelled was set upon the water; and it was a dazzling white temple, for heavenly music and shrill voices could be heard within. And the temple was beside an edifice of great magnitude; and the edifice was wrought with steel and it sat astride the waters like a colossus; and reminded the travellers of an enormous coat hanger.

And they cowered beneath the shadow of the terrible edifice; and the great roar which came from the beast caused them to place their hands upon their ears; but the roar could not be stilled. And although Matthew had expected them to be impressed, he had a hard time explaining why three thousand wheeled carriages were stuck bumper-to-bumper on it.

Then they turned their eyes to behold the wondrous temple from wherein came the shrill voices and heavenly music; and they sniggered; and they pointed their fingers unto that place; and one amongst them said: "It looks like a group of nuns in a rugger scrum." Then another said: "When will they be repairing the roof?" And yet a third said: "I know…it’s an igloo with air ducts."

And Matthew was not amused, and bit he hard upon his tongue; for he was a compassionate man and these were but flesh; a wind that passeth away and cometh not again; and he certainly didn’t want to spoil his chances of a hefty tip at the end of the tour.

And above the roar which came from the giant coat hanger could be heard the steady Click, Click, Click of the ebony caskets as they were offered up unto the temple; for if they didn’t get a picture of this, nobody at home would ever believe them.

So, with laughter ringing in his ears, Matthew led the travellers further into the great city, so that they might behold the House of Knowledge, wherein were debated the ancient laws; and if they weren’t impressed this time he would be very surprised.

And they beheld the splendour of the House of Knowledge, and they entered therein; and they saw that its heights was of threescore cubits, and its breadth thereof threescore cubits, which meant it was very large, and they saw that it was tastefully decorated in imitation pinewood panelling; and there were statues of obscure people scattered about within that place; and the flock wallpaper made it look a bit like an Indian restaurant.

Then they entered a vast chamber and beheld six score and twenty ancients of the land debating the sacred laws; and the ancients were standing upon the seats, and were throwing rolled up pieces of paper unto each other and conversing loudly in a strange language. And the ancients on one side of the chamber were shouting at the ancients on the other side, whilst the ancients on that side were shouting back.

And words of great import filled the air, such as: "The honourable member is a prawn-headed ratbag" and: "The honourable member is a snivelling mullet-gutted toadie."

Then, an ancient leapt nimbly from his seat and jumped upon a table; and he danced gaily thereon, and yelled: "The honourable member is a grovelling little sleazebag who wouldn’t know what integrity was it if jumped up and bit him on the bum!" And there were many other such wise decrees; and as the travellers beheld the scene in awe, they wondered how a host of other ancients around the chamber couldst sleep so soundly with bits of paper over their faces.

Then one amongst the travellers spoke unto Matthew, saying: "Do they ever manage to agree on anything?" And Matthew became sad of countenance and lamented thus: "Doth the wild ass bray when he hath grass? Or loweth the ox over his fodder? Or, come to that, is the Pope Jewish?" And the traveller had his answer.

Then another of the travellers asked of Matthew whether this might be an asylum to which they had been brought; a place, maybe, for those of feeble minds. And Matthew answered: "Well, sort of … it’s called The Government."

And the travellers were of the opinion that this lot would have great difficulty in governing a chook raffle.

Chapter 13 - The Wasteland