Chapter Seventeen

THE DEPARTURE

And, at last, the time arrived for the travellers to depart once more unto their own lands.

And Matthew led them unto the landing ground of the big silver birds, so that they might behold that place wherein could be purchased wondrous artefacts and souvenirs at highly inflated prices. And the travellers beheld the artefacts, that they were of many shapes and sizes, and were ideal for filling up empty corners of attics, or for giving as gifts to disliked relatives.

And the artefacts were designed to last all day, provided they were not removed from their boxes. And there were ornately carved wombats, whose heads fell off to reveal two-inch stainless steel pins, capable of penetrating any thickness of human flesh. Yea, and genuine Aboriginal boomerangs were there, of great antiquity, fashioned thereof from the finest unbreakable plastic and turned out by the thousand at a little factory just off the Parramatta Road.

And lo, there were even fluffy koalas, which wore hats bedecked with dangling corks, and cleverly designed to play Waltzing Matilda whenever their noses were pressed. And the travellers purchased these, and a multitude of other artefacts, ensuring, as Matthew had commanded them, that they were the genuine article and bore the legend: Made In Taiwan.

And when each of the travellers had dressed himself in a t-shirt saying: I Love Vegemite and a hat depicting thereof a boxing kangaroo, they all entered with Matthew unto the chamber which had been set aside for those awaiting the big silver birds.

And as they entered the chamber they beheld a host of other travellers milling about therein, each bearing assorted carved wombats and plastic boomerangs. And these were pressed together shoulder unto shoulder and cheek unto jowl; for a sore age had they been there, awaiting the big silver birds. And they frequently looked towards the heavens for a sign; but no sign came; for the information boards refused to tick over.

And they remained within that place until the shadows lengthened with the eventide; and yet more travellers continued to enter therein, until there was hardly room to swing an ebony casket.

Then, at last, a messenger came amongst the multitude with tidings of great import, for he was a representative of the labourers. And he spoke unto the throng from a podium in their midst, saying: "Until such time as management ceases its confrontationist policy and recognises de facto relationships between cabin staff, especially when it comes to my friend Nigel and me, all flights will remain grounded."

And the multitude cried out in one voice, invoking a pox unto all the representatives of the labourers; and they flung ornately carved wombats unto the unfortunate messenger, and fluffy koalas which played Waltzing Matilda and suggested unto him new uses for genuine plastic boomerangs.

And one amongst them cried: "Let me at the blighter, I’ll clock him with my brolly." And another said: "Martha, go call my lawyer in Pittsburgh, I’ll sue this guy for every buck he’s got." And yet a third merely smiled, and said: "Ah, so" and clicked away happily with his ebony casket.

But the messenger stood his ground in the face of their wrath, and cried aloud an ancient incantation, once which had been used since the dawning of time; and the incantation was thus: "SIC BISCUITUS DISINTEGRATUS" which, when loosely translated, meant: "THAT’S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES".

So, with no alternative before them, the travellers continued to wait for the big silver birds. And their souvenir packs of Violet Crumble melted; and their Minties congealed; and their Vegemite turned rancid.

And, of all the wondrous things that they had encountered within The Promised Land, by far the most interesting were the information boards within that place; yet, their mystery was destined to remain forever hidden from the travellers; for they steadfastly refused to tick over.


EPILOGUE

And meanwhile, far to the north, messengers continued to spread the word of Bruce. And their message told of a vast land in the south, wherein dwelt a pleasant people and wherein the sun always shone, and which was, surely, The Promised Land.



END