Chapter Five

THE CHOSEN PEOPLE

And Bruce’s Great Work of Creation was now almost complete.

Yet one especial task didst He decide to perform; a task to make the vast southern land – a land upon which He had inflicted so much tribulation – a place unique within His Grand Design. After all, infinite mercy was one of Bruce’s better points.

So, unique was what the vast southern land was to become. And He caused, at once, the summer of this land to fall in December, and the winter thereof in July, and He caused the cooking of a Christmas dinner in temperatures which could melt a dingo’s donger a ritual which was pointless in the extreme.

And this strange and especial land deserved a strange and especial people to dwell thereon. And He caused these people to wear a garb like no other. Singlets of the deepest indigo did they wear, and large hats with corks affixed thereon. And thick bushy hair didst He cause to spring from their arms and legs. And, yea, that was just the women. And these people didst He cause to walk around all day saying things like, "G’day y’old bastard" and "She’ll be right, no worries" and other phrases which the rest of the world couldst not understand.

And Bruce called these people His Chosen People; and the land thereof He called The Promised Land, for, surely, some sort of compensation was deserved to them for having been lumbered in the way they had.

And He sat in His shed, and cast the remainder of his pebbles, uncomfortable, for the placing of on beaches, at His unfortunate cat, until at last He had His final idea. And His final idea was in this wise: He instantaneously created clever advertising executives, and He charged these with the task of convincing the rest of Man that His vast southern land – His Promised Land – was truly the Garden of Eden.

And His Great Work of Creation was complete. So He sat back to watch what would happen. But, alas, things hadst not quite worked out exactly how He hadst hoped; and his soul meet, Gaylene, was destined to have infinite satisfaction in saying, "I told you so".

Chapter 6 - The Promised Land