THE SOUTHERN LAND
And on the day after the seventh day, which was the eighth day, Bruce pondered upon His Grand Design and was rather worried.
For no money was left to buy good quality creatures that creepeth; nor fowls which doth have wing; and He was fast running out of herbs and trees and, in particular, wild shrubs that doth bear seed. And, to make matters worse, a vast land lay far to the south upon which stood not a single thing of beauty, nor a solitary item of any interest, and was certainly not a realistic prospect for any form of redevelopment.
So, He beheld His stores, but could find nothing with which to fill this vast southern land. Then, lo, He beheld a movement in a darkened corner of His shed, beneath some discarded sacks of pork offal, and there, as if by a miracle, lay the answer to His problem. For an abundance of forgotten and rejected creatures didst He behold there, cowering in the dark.
And He beheld large hairy creatures which bounded with great leaps and which broke fences, and a myriad of furry bears with appealing nature but appalling manners, for their only role was to widdle upon tourists and to attract fleas which biteth. Yea, and there were evil vipers which slithered on their bellies, and venomous spiders which hid beneath the seats of dunnies and which struck with their fangs at the most awkward moments and, all in all, an assortment of creatures the likes of which nightmares are made.
And Gaylene had made it quite plain that such creatures were not permitted around the house, so, in an instant, Bruce placed them conveniently unto the vast southern land.
Then He checked His dwindling supply of wild shrubs that doth bear seed, and His trees beauteous to behold, and His mountains, assorted, for the climbing of, and He found that He was exceedingly low in that department too. But the few that He found betwixt the rusting billy and Uncle Bert’s old pair of knacker-nippers had to go somewhere, so He took them and scattered them in random fashion about the southern land.
And when it was done, Bruce was well pleased. For His garden shed was now empty. Empty, that is, but for one extremely large and ugly rock which He had been using, until that time, as a paperweight. So He took that rock, and He smiled. And He placed it with infinite precision and a great deal of pleasure bang in the middle of the vast southern land. And Man, for evermore, wouldst wonder how that big rock got there, and would marvel at its mystery, yet never would they realise that Bruce, as has been seen, loved His little joke.
And with His Great Work drawing to a close, He took the large hairy creatures which boundeth, and placed them in scattered locations throughout the land, carefully selected so that they might cause the maximum amount of damage to the wild shrubs that doth bear seed.
And as He strolled in to get his tea, He thought unto Himself, "Thank Bruce that’s over". Yet His conscience was a little bit troubled, and He realised He had just one more task to perform.
And on the day after the seventh day, which was the eighth day, Bruce pondered upon His Grand Design and was rather worried.
For no money was left to buy good quality creatures that creepeth; nor fowls which doth have wing; and He was fast running out of herbs and trees and, in particular, wild shrubs that doth bear seed. And, to make matters worse, a vast land lay far to the south upon which stood not a single thing of beauty, nor a solitary item of any interest, and was certainly not a realistic prospect for any form of redevelopment.
So, He beheld His stores, but could find nothing with which to fill this vast southern land. Then, lo, He beheld a movement in a darkened corner of His shed, beneath some discarded sacks of pork offal, and there, as if by a miracle, lay the answer to His problem. For an abundance of forgotten and rejected creatures didst He behold there, cowering in the dark.
And He beheld large hairy creatures which bounded with great leaps and which broke fences, and a myriad of furry bears with appealing nature but appalling manners, for their only role was to widdle upon tourists and to attract fleas which biteth. Yea, and there were evil vipers which slithered on their bellies, and venomous spiders which hid beneath the seats of dunnies and which struck with their fangs at the most awkward moments and, all in all, an assortment of creatures the likes of which nightmares are made.
And Gaylene had made it quite plain that such creatures were not permitted around the house, so, in an instant, Bruce placed them conveniently unto the vast southern land.
Then He checked His dwindling supply of wild shrubs that doth bear seed, and His trees beauteous to behold, and His mountains, assorted, for the climbing of, and He found that He was exceedingly low in that department too. But the few that He found betwixt the rusting billy and Uncle Bert’s old pair of knacker-nippers had to go somewhere, so He took them and scattered them in random fashion about the southern land.
And when it was done, Bruce was well pleased. For His garden shed was now empty. Empty, that is, but for one extremely large and ugly rock which He had been using, until that time, as a paperweight. So He took that rock, and He smiled. And He placed it with infinite precision and a great deal of pleasure bang in the middle of the vast southern land. And Man, for evermore, wouldst wonder how that big rock got there, and would marvel at its mystery, yet never would they realise that Bruce, as has been seen, loved His little joke.
And with His Great Work drawing to a close, He took the large hairy creatures which boundeth, and placed them in scattered locations throughout the land, carefully selected so that they might cause the maximum amount of damage to the wild shrubs that doth bear seed.
And as He strolled in to get his tea, He thought unto Himself, "Thank Bruce that’s over". Yet His conscience was a little bit troubled, and He realised He had just one more task to perform.
Chapter 5 - The Chosen People
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